Liam Fox Aologises For Being A Liar But Not For Being Corrupt.

Liam Fox, ahead of a preliminary investigation scheduled to land on the PM's desk tommorow, has publicly apologised for "mistakes." We asked him what he's apologising for exactly; "Well I admit I made some "mistakes" over Adam Werritty. These "mistakes" included lying about him accompanying me on official business, lying about meetings he set up with arms dealers and lying to get him offices in Westminster at tax payers expense. However, none of these "mistakes" amount to corruption since no one can prove that I trousered any money for this. Everything I did was out of the kindness of my heart and from a real desire to help the poor - in this case poor arms dealers and poor American healthcare lobbyists. It might look like wrongdoing to anyone with a single working brain cell but you have my word, as a hardworking MP and Tory Minister, that I've told a fib in my life. Honest - cross your heart and hope you die." We asked Adam Werritty for his view; "Liam's just a good mate. You know - the kind that gets free junketts all over the world at tax payers expense, sets up arms deals for backhanders and lines up buyers for the NHS when Liam and his Tory mates get their hands on it. I mean, we've all got mates likes that haven't we."

Is Liam Fox Corrupt?

As more and more is learned about the role of Liam Fox's "friend," Adam Werritty, questions about the Minister's probity are beginning to multiply. We asked a Westminster insider for the view amongst MP's; "Is Liam Fox a crook? He's a Tory - it's like asking if the Pope's a catholic. I suppose what really amazes MP's is that Fox swans around with his conduit for bribery and corruption hanging around in the background like a bad smell. Talk to Liam and Fox and then turn around asuddenly and you'll find yourself face to face with Adam Werritty - usually with his hand out. If Liam's a crook he's also committed the unforgivable sin of being completely stupid. But, then again, being stupid is practically a qualification in this cabinet." We asked a leading member of the cabinet for her view; "All this is based on rumour and a few inconvenient facts which should be ignored. I feel sorry for Liam, but I would like to point out that I got back from holiday before he did too during the recent riots. If I was the Prime Minister, and I soon will be, I'd back Liam to the hilt right up until the moment I sack him. It's the Tory way. Have you heard the one about the cat and the illegal immigrant?"

Werritty Ran "Charity" From Liam Fox's Parliamentary Office.

It has emereged tonight that Adam Wrritty ran a lobbying business from Liam Fox's office at Westminster and, by calling it a "charity," he didn't pay rent for it (taxpayers, of course, footed the bill). The so-called "charity" called the Atlantic Bridge from which Werritty trousered a handsome £90k was, in fact, connected to an American lobbying group dedicated to promoting the Thatcher-Reagan era. A string of Tories served as an advisory board for the "charity," including George Osborne, Michael Gove and William Hague while Baroness Thatcher was the honory patron. It was eventually wound up when regulators discovered it was too political to qualify as a charity. We asked several leading Tories to explain this obvious scam but none were available for comment. A Tory insider was willing to speak off the record, however. "We want to be completely open about this matter and Liam has called for a full investigation that should kick it into the long grass for a few years. Now it might well be that the American lobbying group has great interest in healthcare but the fact that Liam was the shadow health minister is pure coincidence as is our determination to privatise the NHS and sell it the Americans. The charity was devoted to celebrating the Thatcher-Reagan era which, as recent events in the international economy has shown, was a great success. There is no question of impropriety here, despite Mr.Werritty's involvement in blackmail in the United States and despite the fact that he's been swanning around describing himself as Liam's personal advisor." We asked our political editor for his view; "Just another Tory sleazebag caught with his hand in the cookie jar again if you ask me. Par for the course with this lot."