Retraction of Cameron Story

Our reporter in Tottenham would like to make this apology to our readers for his previous story regarding David Cameron. "I'm afraid I made a terrible error in reporting that David Cameron visited Tottenham today. It was, of course, not David Cameron but Nick Clegg. My only defence for this glaring error is that they are very similar in appearance and tend to wear the same suits and old school tie. Under normal circumstances I can tell the difference between one person and another, but, in the case of Cameron and Clegg, that is becoming increasingly difficult. Normally Cameron is accompanied by his wife, while Clegg tends to drag a hapless Vince Cable around with him. Unfortunately Vince Cable was in hospital today after making a sudden and unexpected recovery from the coma he's been in for the last twelve months (see Vince Cable Discovers Bankers Are a Bunch of Crooks)and Clegg had a woman with him this time. (She, apparently, had nothing to do with the Deputy PM and was later found to be carrying a bucket of blue paint for no evident reason.) I hope readers will accept this abject apology and trust that even further cases of mistaken identity will be forgiven in advance."

David Cameron Visits Tottenham

In a whistlestop tour of Britain David Cameron, the Prime Minister of Chiantishire, has revisited Tottenham. "I've come to see how my idea for the 'Big Society' is getting on," he told reporters before going on to speak to potential Tory voters. "I think its marvelous how ordinary people have come together in Tottenham and demonstrated their resolve to work together," he said, surveying the devastation in Tottenham High Street. "If they can only summon up the same sense of community to clear up the mess they made when they rioted we're in business!" Commenting on the conspicuous lack of any help from government the Crime Minister told reporters; "I believe in small government - so small that its difficult to see its there unless you happen to be paying your taxes. It is not government's business to interfere in ordianry people's lives when they're doing as they're told. No, our government is dedicated to those things governments can do well - transferring money from the poor to the rich, destroying public services and removing all hope from the country."