Capitalism On Trial.

The BBC, in the wake of Ed Milliband's speech, opened what is perhaps the first real salvo in a debate that is long overdue - what sort of capitalism do we want? The corporate raiders and asset strippers, predictably, argue that business "is too complicated" to regulate. We asked our economics expert for his comments; "Its a question of predators and prey. If you want to know wether predators are good or bad it depends on who you ask - the lions or the zebras. The lions will see it as their right to eat whatever they like because they're lions. The zebras would beg to differ - for them its not complicated at all." We asked George Osborne for his take on this; "There aren't any lions and zebras in Britain except in zoos. What the hell are you talking about? In Britain we have mad dogs and sheep and I ain't no sheep." David Cameron seemed just as puzzled; "I don't know what Ed Milliband is going on about - everything's fine. All we have to do is get back to business as usual and we everything will be back to normal. Banks have a right to do as they like - they're banks." Meanwhile British zebras - sorry sheep - seemed to be utterly confused. "I understand what Ed Milliband is saying," one voter told us, "but I couldn't vote for him because he's not pretty enough. David Cameron might be an unfeeling brute with no empathy for ordinary people but he does have a lovely smile."