More People To Die Before Retirement.

The organised crime syndicate known as the Tory party has dropped yet another bombshell today in their bid to return us all to the 1840's and reward themselves with yet another juicy tax cut. Those of us unfortunate enough to be born during the 1970's or later will not now receive a state pension until they are aged 68. It is no coincidence that this measure has been taken in the same week that it was announced that ordinary people's life expectancy has ceased to increase. Austerity has delivered one of the glittering prizes for the Tory party - more people will die before they can claim their state pension saving £74 billion that can then be grabbed by the already rich, greedy and selfish and stuffed into their tax-free offshore bank accounts. Many of our children and grandchildren, burdened by the debt of an education, unaffordable mortgages or rent and crippling health insurance, will never be able to retire but will be worked to death in order to fund this windfall for the Tories and those criminal elements who bankroll them. The younger generation will not only be worse off than those now at retirement age, they will be worse off than their ancestors dead for 100 years. The Tories are succeeding in their bid to roll back the welfare state and replace it with the dog-eat-dog dystopia that existed before World War II. They are stealing our children's and grandchildren's future in order to strengthen and extend their cult of greed. They can be stopped however. All we have to do is stop voting for them and start voting for hope instead of despair.

Coalition Wishes Everyone A Happy Deathday.

Steve Webb, the Lib Dem Minister for Pensions, has decided that it might be a smart political move to remind everyone that one day they're going to die. To prevent pensioners from spending their pension pots on wine, women, toy boys and song and then squandering the rest he wants to send each and everyone of us an estimate of our life expectancy. "People consistently underestimate how long they're going to live," he told our reporter, "and, under proposals to allow them access to their pension pots, they are in danger of spending their own money, ending up dependent on the state and threatening tax cuts for rich people like me. Of course if we and our Tory mates win another five years in power after May 2015 then this won't matter since most people won't live long enough to get their pension in the first place. The real danger is that Labour might win and completely derail Coalition plans to get rid of all the useless people in this country and prevent us from making it a land fit for the smug and self-satisfied to live in." Opposition to the idea has also come from the insurance industry whose spokesman told us; "These dick heads will ruin our best sales pitch if they tell people they're likely to live well into their 80's. How the hell will we be able to sell completely useless life insurance policies to young people if they know that the chances of dying before they reach 40 is practically nil? Profits will plummet and," he added darkly, "so will our donations to the Tories and Lib Dems if they carry this out."